Rachel Dolezal Wins the "You Can't Sit With Us Award"

I'll admit to being slow about developing an actual opinion about the Facebook ramblings about the white chick with the bad tan and even worse perm. I saw in passing that she led her local NAACP chapter and I commended her for being a part of an organization with a history for helping blacks (although truth be told, I'm pretty sure they're down to only 12 national members and they only show up to meetings for the cookies and punch).

I even gave her a slight pass because at least she seemed to be part of organizing for black America, more than many people I know. But then she did an interview that gave proper perspective. Her ruse wasn't about helping black America, it was about wanting to be a victim. I mean, I guess living as a blonde white woman in America had to be extremely difficult for her. We all know that white women are the most discriminated against and least protected group in society. So to feel safe, she needed to side up with the darkies, denounce being white, and even claim to potentially have no biological connection to her parents based on lack of a DNA test to prove paternity.

Not sure about other blacks, but this black person (although honestly, I'm not sure if I'm black because I have yet to swab either of my parents and when I tried, I was reminded of the restraining order and asked to stand back 200 feet) ain't hearing mess from Rachel. White people make more money, have better credit, get their asses beat by police less, and live in bigger houses. But to be fair, our Thanksgiving dinners taste way better, we dance better, are better at most sports, have better hair stylists (hey Shondrika!!!) so I can almost understand her wanting to align with us. But here is where I drop the gavel.

There, I said it. Being black is fun and the struggles of it are ingrained into what make us great as a culture. So it's kind of jacked up that the pale blonde chick decided to infiltrate. Most black people have at least one cool ass white friend. She could have easily been the girl we all referred to as Snowflake in high school. She's the white girl with biracial kids, whose names are all extremely ethnic. Like Tyrone, Hasaan and Jakari. And there's a strong chance she's married to a guy named Lamont who has bad credit. And despite being a walking cliche', she's still your cool ass white home girl.

But Rachel lost her ability to be the Salt to our Pepa when asked about the allegations, she took the time to announce that she's bisexual. And I'll tell you why- it's irrelevant. Is she bi? I doubt it. But here's the thing. I don't care either. She could be screwing a species of endangered ducks when she gets home, it has nothing to do with her lying and perpetrating to earn a seat at the table of black America. Her interview was the time to acknowledge wrongdoing, but instead she made it worse by thinking that a drunken kiss with her drunk female bestie in college (yet another cliche' for the cool ass white girl) made it all okay. And it didn't.

In the words of Paul Mooney, "Everybody wants to be a nigga until it's time to be a nigga." And I want Rachel Dolezal know that her black card has been pulled and revoked.